2951-12-13 – Tales from the Service: The Unwilling Profiteer

Magda Salmon waited until the pair of traders had left Dylan Lane’s specially modified wardroom before turning to Jeb. The alien was, as usual, entirely unreadable; though his single eye was aimed in her direction, all of his mismatched limbs were still.

“You do know they belong in a psych-ward, not crewing a hauler.” Magda gestured after the pair. “People like that shouldn’t be allowed to hire mercenaries.”

Jeb did not react. He didn’t even blink – but then, Magda had never seen him blink.

“They want to hire us to pose as pirates and make it look like they fought us off, just to give them an edge in negotiating their next couple of cargo contracts. It’ll never work, because the only way to make it believable would be to actually shoot up their rusty tub of a ship, and they won’t allow it.” Magda doubted the pair’s ship could survive a few hits from proper weapons anyway, but that was beside the point. “And when they realize that, they’ll just file piracy charges against us and pretend the contract never happened.”

Jeb rose from the complex cradle that served for him instead of a chair. A human spacer would have had to walk around the long table, but he simply drifted over the top of it toward the door.

Magda dropped her shoulders. “And you’re going to make me take this damned job anyway.”

“Quite correct, Miss Salmon.” The door hissed open, and Jeb’s body began its long procession through into the corridor. “I trust you can modify your squadron’s weapons for minimal risk to the client?”

“This is a disaster waiting to happen, Jeb.” Magda stood and followed the alien out. “We’re never going to get the results they want, so they’ll never pay us.”

“That possibility has not eluded me.” Jeb proceeded toward the lift at a stately pace. “I deem it worth the risk. Prepare your personnel and equipment while I prepare our contractual terms.”

Magda seethed at Jeb’s casual use of the word “our” – he would be taking none of the risks, only reaping a percentage of the rewards. In the mercenary business, it was traditional for the chief negotiator for any mercenary company to be one of the deployment personnel of the outfit, because that person had the most incentive to bargain hard and set the proper terms of the job. Jeb would be risking nothing but his own credits – why should she trust that the terms he set would be good for her and her compatriots?

“You need not fear for your safety.” Jeb turned a few degrees to one side so his eye could fix on Magda. “The skipper must pay me even if he decides to kill you all out there, so there is no incentive for him to do so.”

Magda wondered whether any weapon that the pair of hardscrabble hauler-spacers could strap to their ship could do serious harm to any of her squadron’s strike rigs. Perhaps if they could get their hands on military-grade disposable missile pods and a half decent targeting system, but that would cost several times more than the contract fee itself.

Turning away from Jeb, Magda headed to the access shaft at the aft end of the deck. On most ships, these shafts contained a steep set of spiral stairs to serve as a backup for the lift system, but on Lane, it contained only a grid of recessed handholds, as Jeb could not use the stairs and would struggle to navigate their tight spiral in any case. Climbing from deck to deck freehand was probably a bad idea, but Magda had found it a useful way of diffusing her frustration with her enigmatic employer. Also, it was faster than the lifts, if one didn’t mind the small risk of plummeting six decks to the hard plate decking at the bottom of the shaft.

By the time Magda had gotten all the way down to the lowest deck where her company had been assigned temporary quarters, she was out of breath, but she had cheered up a bit. Jeb himself was the contracted party on this debacle, and that meant that when the sewage hit the atmospherics, he would be the one paying the bills, and her company account would remain quite static. There would be no profit in it, but perhaps seeing the unflappable Jeb learn a hard lesson would be a sort of profit all its own.

“So do we have a job, Mags?” Ted Kozlowski, her rear-seat gunner, stood in the corridor outside their barracks, leaning on the bulkhead and reading something on his slate.

“Seems we do, Ted.” Magda rolled her shoulders and wiped her brow before approaching the door. “Bastard’s found a couple of madcaps that want to pretend they’re chasing off pirates.”

“Let me guess.” Ted tucked his slate under one arm. “You’re going to let Jori paint our ride something hideous again. I swear, the last time we played pirates that paint scheme gave me cataracts.”

Magda smiled. Ted’s sense of how a strike-craft should look was infamous; supposedly he’d gotten himself booted from several mercenary companies for complaining about their heraldry and company colors and begging to re-design them. “If it wasn’t ugly, nobody would believe it was pirate markings.”

“Bah.” Ted hung his head. “We couldn’t pretend to be pirates with good tastes this time?”

Magda shook her head. “Afraid not. Could you get down to the hangar and turn at least one gun on every rig into something we can shoot at a hauler without doing any real damage? Call up to Jeb if you need spare parts.”

Ted nodded and ambled off toward the lift.

Magda was about to go in to assign tasks to the rest of her crew-mates when her earpice chimed the tone she’d assigned to Jeb. She stepped aside and accepted the channel request. “That was fast.”

“Negotiations always are, when one side fails to read all of the boiler-plate fine print.” Jeb’s voice still had no discernible tone, but from his choice of words, Magda thought she could divine a sense of triumph. “I have forwarded you the contract. Do read it all.”

Before Magda could even agree, Jeb ended the channel and the earpiece went dead. Magda called up the contract on her wristcuff and skimmed it. As suggested, most of it was very standard verbiage for this sort of work – non-disclosure clauses, terms of default, who to assign the cost of any unanticipated damage to either party, and so on. Each of these sections was short, but it carried a vast appendix of fine print.

Remembering her own recent predicament with Jeb, Magda called up the fine print for the terms of a contract default. Almost immediately, her eyes widened. True, the language followed a standard formula, but Jeb had inserted a number of key addendums. In particular, he had added sections describing the publication of the contract and payments required from employer, should that employer attempt to use criminal prosecution to avoid paying. Additional sections specifically declared that a failure to negotiate better cargo fees afterwards did not default the contract, and provided for a number of fees should the employer attempt to disparage Trace & Co. or its subcontractors within the next calendar year.

“The bastard’s hoping they double-cross us.” Magda shook her head in disbelief. “We get paid way more if they do, after everything’s been settled.”

According to the remainder of Magda’s account, the employer on this contract did indeed attempt to wiggle out of it after the fact, and are in the process of paying several times more as a result than they would have otherwise. Though she provided the name of their ship, I have omitted it, as I see no particular reason to damage their reputation.